Grow Up

Do you ever return to old writings of your own to be inspired? I find myself revisiting journal entries of the 18 year old version of myself just to try and remember where my vigor came from. I had a love for writing... a desire to study Scripture past what was obvious. I freely acknowledged my Father and gave Him thanks for things I now take for granted.

My prayer is that I didn't decline as I so often think... but instead, that my relationship with my Lord has grown beyond words and how "good" I can make myself sound on paper.

He is molding this heart of mine and His grace is indescribable. He's willing to teach and guide even when my heart is prone to wander. I don't deserve a Love to be forever faithful to me... but the amazing thing about Jesus is that His love is not based on what I deserve.

Tonight, with striking clarity, He said, "Daughter of Mine, I want you to GROW UP. Stop chasing those things that you chased in your youth. Pursue Me... hunger for righteousness!" Yet, another lesson from my blessed Savior to hear and practice. It's not an easy thing to hear the words, "grow up". I'm still trying to figure out what all that entails. What I do know is that there is not time to waste. Being a faithful disciple of Christ is not "part time".

"As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ..." -Eph. 4:14-15

A lot to pray and think about this week. 

Fear

     I wonder if you ever fear as I do. The next moment... future conversations... who will be that long-awaited "other half", etc. What do you do with that fear? Sit on it? Pray about it? Quietly allow it to continue, refusing to recognize that it's something you've become quite comfortable with?

  "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

I say, "I am weak." 
He says, "In your weakness, I will show My strength."

I say, "Lord, I am not enough."He says, "Rest in who I am. Stop trying to 'be something' on your own. Trust Me to lead."

I say, "I can't wait anymore."He says, "Think of all the times I've been so patient with you."

I say, "My Father, I'm SO scared."
He says, "Daughter, I have promised and will remind you again: You are Mine and I will never leave you."

He has to still my heart so many times. Minute by minute, even. He's teaching me to wait without fear, cry out without doubting, walk without constantly looking back and love without selfish ambition. "DO NOT FEAR" is easier said than done... but I serve a faithful, steadfast, loving Lord. Even when I'm shaking as an autumn leaf shakes in the winds of a storm, His grasp is unfailing and He is lovingly guiding each step. 

Cling

"And Peter had followed Him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest; and he was sitting with the officers, and warming himself at the fire." -Mark 14:54

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you..." James 4:8

     Peter followed Christ at a distance. He did not cling to the life-giving Son of God. Do you realize what happens when you do as Peter did? What does it mean to follow Him at a distance?

     We only know as much about Him as we want to know. My Lord reveals Himself fully... entirely. Yet, I step away and cling to anything and everything other than Him. When there is space between me and the heart of my Savior, there is room for the enemy to inflict pain... to distract... to bring doubt.

     On the contrary, when I am right there next to the Lord... there is rest. Peace. Contentment. Steadfastness of heart. Reason to continue and something- or better yet SOMEONE- to hold onto. 

There is no pain too great for Your hand, O Lord-
Won't You be near to me?
Not a temptation You don't understand, O Lord-
Will You come near to me?
If I don't cling to You, I don't live, O Lord-
Please, always be near to me. 

Wait

Yes, it looks long... and yes, I believe I've posted this here before. I urge you to read it anyway. You will not be disappointed, I promise.

The hardest lesson to learn is to wait.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
-Wait by Russell Kelfer

Eternal Weight of Glory

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you." -2 Corinthians 4:7-12


How easily we forget. There is a PURPOSE to persecution. A PURPOSE to affliction. Not to bring about strength in our mortal bodies... not to buffet our ever decaying flesh- but to manifest the life and power of CHRIST! How easily we are overtaken by the simple occurrences that we "do not deserve". Who am I to turn away the opportunity to shine in the strength of my Lord? Who am I to decline a more intimate relationship with Him for the purpose of my COMFORT?!


I forgot this week. I became discouraged. I was weighed down by "momentary light affliction" that I could have embraced for the purpose of an ETERNAL weight of glory. Do not find yourself in the same position. You will miss out on the ultimate PRIZE. 


Have a blessed Saturday, beloved friends. 

To Write

Why did I ever stop writing? There is freedom and release at the tip of the pen. How easily I forget what is important to chase after those things that will soon fade. Technology wraps me in it’s tight hold and begs to become my all… my savior. It’s ever-growing and takes a constant effort to keep up… but the simple miracle of a pen and paper is an ageless commodity.

Perhaps, I will start again. Rebirth. Rejuvenation.
Take that journal everywhere with you, dear girl… and don’t lose sight of the gift of expression. Your thoughts are a treasure that will come and go as does the summer wind… seize the opportunity to pour out pieces of yourself and fill the pages with wonder. Someday, tomorrow even, you will be someone different. Everyday evokes a change… and you will not remember who you were just 24 hours ago. But… you can capture that person on paper. Speak of inspiration… love… the simple devotion of following the Savior… even the hearts deepest cries. That voice will mature, and the young girl that once was will grow into something new. She will be lost forever if not for the life on paper.

Renewed Gratitude

"Yesterday was glorious. To some, it would seem like just another Wednesday... but when you're attending a church where there's no doubt of what you're called to do, it's like an adventure everytime. The Lord has brought 15+ teenagers into my life that have changed my world in so many ways. To be able to stand behind a microphone and hear their voices singing to the Lord is... incredible. They are gifts... truly. To be able to walk beside them and be a part of their lives is so far beyond what I deserve."

I wrote this in October, 2006. I think about this post from time to time and remember exactly where I was and how I felt when I wrote it. My heart was filled with intense gratitude. Now, five and a half years later, I am once again filled with gratitude. Not a moment spent with them is ordinary. The Lord, because of His awesome grace, has granted the opportunity to be a part of the lives of these teenagers, and it leaves my heart in complete awe.