After the sermon last week, and Sunday school yesterday, it's as if my eyes have been opened to a world that I was once oblivious to. The Lord is allowing me to see all that grieves Him...

The flesh is truly nauseating when laid bare before the pure, perfect throne of God.

It's finally Spring break week. Sleeping in, doing some much needed Spring cleaning, writing some new songs, relaxing... ahh... such is bliss. For once, I'm looking forward to the next quarter in school. I'll be taking my first photography class (Intro to Black and White Photography), along with "Western Religions: Judaism, Islam, and Christianity", and Music Theory. Hopefully, I'll end Spring quarter with more clarity in my photography, a greater awareness of other religions, and possibly the ability to read notes. :) That would be ideal, at least.

As for an update on the not-so-pleasant predicament that I wrote about in my last blog... I'm still dealing. Thanks to the prayers and encouragement of some truly wonderful people, distraction has been abundant. Yet, every part of my being still aches when I am reminded of all that has transpired up to this point. My spirit is truly willing to move on, but all that is "natural" within me still desperately longs for something tangible... some way to understand why I've been denied that which I desire more than life itself.

I guess I'll end this post with a picture of the sunset yesterday. Yesterday evening, Rachel S. and I went to the park, ate Wendy's chili, watched the sun set, and then stopped by Boston Stoker for tea and cards. It's been awhile since her and I have been able to hang out, so it was great to catch up. :) (I'll post more pictures up next week sometime.)

Wow. I feel somewhat out of touch from the social world. This last week has been slightly insane. It was finals week, and I had a presentation to give along with a test yesterday. Thankfully, the test wasn't cumulative, so I could relax a little.

To add to that, I've been praying about something for what seems like forever now, and this past Wednesday, I finally got my answer. Needless to say, it was a very clear "No.". Talk about unexpected. I don't think it's had time to fully sink in yet, but every time I remind myself of my Lord's answer, it feels like someone is pulling my stomach out through my mouth. Yes... it's painful. To say that I'm over it, and that everything is okay would be a lie... but the Lord will bring me through this in His timing. With all that being said, even though He said "no", I'm still thankful for an answer. In His faithfulness, He heard me- and I love Him for that. My Father is truly amazing.

With that answer, there is pain, but there is also some excitement at the same time. To quote the proverbial nonsense "When God closes a door, He opens a window" would be ridiculous. Yet, I know that my heart was weighed down with anxiety, and now that His "no" has freed up any space consumed with questions, He will inhabit that space with something that I know will be useful. I'm anticipating growth... and when it comes down to it, that's all I want- to be closer to my Jesus and to be able to fully walk in stride with His word and His ways.

Pictures

Well- currently, I'm at a coffee shop trying to upload some random pictures on my Facebook, and the upload form won't work. SO- I'm going to put some of them on here.

Some of the crew hanging out at the Yuppa house last month...

Katie relaxing...

There was a very heavy fog out a few weeks ago, so I stopped by a cemetery and took some pictures...

Adelee, me, and Emily at a Youth night a couple of weeks ago....

Locked in a Shell

It seems that I'm scared to let go, and truly be myself. I hate that most of my conversations are about the weather, or general topics... but its as if I can't move past that.

I desire to know and be known, but relationships will never develop if I'm not willing to put forth the effort.