There's a few moments I'll never forget within the past 21 years. They're the few moments where I truly lived... and experienced things that were amazing.
...a 2 hour walk, and great conversation at Taylor University when I was 17...
...singing with a congregation of about 2000 at New Phile...
...boating at Lake St. Mary's with my mom...
...a genuine talk at Taffy's...
...laughing for almost 4 hours straight, while catching up with a friend recently...
...four wheeling side by side to 6 deer in the field...
...white water rafting in the pouring rain...
...standing beneath the clearest field of stars that I've ever seen my senior year in Tennessee...
...creek stomping two summers ago...
...every Friday night get together with the "crew"...
...a long, solitary walk along the beach at 1:30am...
All in all, these moments have been so special, but infrequent. The truth is that I really do want to live. This is an unexplainable process of thoughts, but these thoughts have been clouding my brain for the last... well... year. The experiences I've had thus far have given me a taste of something wonderful that I just can not seem to grasp. How I long to jump outside of the ordinary... but something is holding me back, and that something has the tendency at times to break my spirit. I'm not too young to live, but I feel as though I've spent so many years just waiting around for the extraordinary to come along. Were these years wasted? No, but perhaps they could have been better spent.
At times, I wish someone without inhibitions would come, take my hand and lead me to a place of freedom. I don't fear tomorrow because of what may happen... I fear tomorrow because of what I might miss.
I desperately want to break away from the mundane, but have not been able to do so. Quite possibly, I'm afraid to live. There's uncertainty in that... in leaving the comfortable parameters that I've set for myself. Yet... somehow, I'm sure that once I step outside of these boundaries, it will be more rewarding than I could have ever dreamed.
With all these emerging thoughts, I don't know how to act... I don't know what to pray for... and I'm not sure what to do. I need help, but as I said earlier, there are no words to describe that which I am so immensely longing for.
...a 2 hour walk, and great conversation at Taylor University when I was 17...
...singing with a congregation of about 2000 at New Phile...
...boating at Lake St. Mary's with my mom...
...a genuine talk at Taffy's...
...laughing for almost 4 hours straight, while catching up with a friend recently...
...four wheeling side by side to 6 deer in the field...
...white water rafting in the pouring rain...
...standing beneath the clearest field of stars that I've ever seen my senior year in Tennessee...
...creek stomping two summers ago...
...every Friday night get together with the "crew"...
...a long, solitary walk along the beach at 1:30am...
All in all, these moments have been so special, but infrequent. The truth is that I really do want to live. This is an unexplainable process of thoughts, but these thoughts have been clouding my brain for the last... well... year. The experiences I've had thus far have given me a taste of something wonderful that I just can not seem to grasp. How I long to jump outside of the ordinary... but something is holding me back, and that something has the tendency at times to break my spirit. I'm not too young to live, but I feel as though I've spent so many years just waiting around for the extraordinary to come along. Were these years wasted? No, but perhaps they could have been better spent.
At times, I wish someone without inhibitions would come, take my hand and lead me to a place of freedom. I don't fear tomorrow because of what may happen... I fear tomorrow because of what I might miss.
I desperately want to break away from the mundane, but have not been able to do so. Quite possibly, I'm afraid to live. There's uncertainty in that... in leaving the comfortable parameters that I've set for myself. Yet... somehow, I'm sure that once I step outside of these boundaries, it will be more rewarding than I could have ever dreamed.
With all these emerging thoughts, I don't know how to act... I don't know what to pray for... and I'm not sure what to do. I need help, but as I said earlier, there are no words to describe that which I am so immensely longing for.
2 comments:
I believe living an extraordinary life isn't what you experience, but who you are. If you are the beautiful example of Jesus' love on earth to those who God has placed in your life, then you can have the fulfillment in Him. I know I have had the same 'itch' to get out and almost a regret that Rich and I didn't have the time to travel and gain experience to see those amazing things. While this is fun and exciting, it isn't real life. I don't remember if you were @ Wow last time... but Lisa was pounding into our heads that Furthering the Gospel is what gives us real and lasting Joy. I do hope that in eternity God will have us in those experiences that we long for on earth. But compared to being with Him and Glorifying His name, will it really matter?
I know everything you said is SO true.. especially about how extraordinary living is based on character... but sometimes, I forget all of that and resort to pity parties. :) Ugh... I think that this post might have been birthed during one of those "parties".
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