Little ladies... :)

Here's a snippet from the photo shoot with the Corder girls! I was able to see Becca hold Ruthie for the first time... Let's just say that her excitement made it pretty easy to get some good shots of her and her new little sister... :)

Looking Back

I’ve been spending some time these past couple of days reading my old Xanga entries. It’s as if I’m looking into the life of someone else. I was once passionate… lively… and expressive. I wonder what happened to that girl who, at one time, threw all caution to the wind, and just simply bore all. I used to love to write about those amazing things that my Father was teaching me at the time. I would say those things without abandon, clinging to Him alone without fear of the thoughts of others.

My speech has become trite and lazy, without freedom… or passion… or anything of the sort. Those once lengthy explanations are now condensed and dry. I must admit, I’m not sure where to go from here… Hmmm...

Good Times with the Fam

My New Favorite Place...

Coffee shops and I sure do get along well...

I have allowed my affections to wander. I have set up rivals. I have grieved Him. Sweetest and dearest of all beloveds, I have treated Thee as an unfaithful wife treats her husband. Oh, my cruel sins, my cruel self. What can I do? Tears are a poor show of my repentance, my whole heart boils with indignation at myself. Wretch that I am, to treat my Lord, my All in All, my exceeding great joy, as though He were a stranger. Jesus, Thou forgivest freely, but this is not enough, prevent my unfaithfulness in the future. Kiss away these tears, and then purge my heart and bind it with sevenfold cords to Thyself, never to wander more.
-Charles Spurgeon

Texture

This past Friday, I taught Robby a lesson in finding natural textures. Here are some shots I took last week to illustrate my points... :) A few of them aren't "natural", but are still effective.

This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the
themes thou lovest best,
Night, sleep, death and the stars.
-Walt Whitman

Am I dreaming such absurdities
I'm flying, and you're here with me
We fingerpaint the sky
Chase constellations sliding by
Connect their dots and dance on tightropes in between
We twirl and laugh about these crazy things we dream
And then I kiss you
And I wake myself
Still laughing

It's daybreak, and the whole world's new
The sun smiles, but where are you?
Wish I could hold you again
Nothing a daydream cannot mend
You smile and promise me you'll always be around
I whisper hallelu's and sing your name out loud
But no one hears me
Well, at least for now
I'm smiling

You can't write such a comedy
Without some conspiracy
Inside there's mutiny and mayhem
My secrets all want you to know them
I shed a tear because this love can never be
But as the saying goes it doesn't hurt to dream
As long as you know
That I find it all
So amusing
-Amusing by Chris Rice

Inspired

...or perhaps motivated... I can't decide which. I'm viewing other's work on Etsy, and trying to get a better idea of who I am as a photographer, and how I want to showcase my work. Everyone has a personal style, and at times, I feel as though I am only mimicking what others perceive to be creative. Oh well. I'll get it. Sometime.

We're in a fast-paced culture, but trying to get word out about an uprising attempt at a business is a slower process than I had ever anticipated. It seems that I don't have enough time, but maybe I'm just using that as an excuse.

Goodness. Now that I've drowned you with my anxieties, let's move on to a lighter subject. :) Brittany and I went school book shopping today. It's amazing what the Lord does through the process of discipleship. We began almost a year ago, sitting across the table from one another, sharing with not so many words the intricacies of life... It's become one of the best parts of my week to hang out with her. :)

So, I'm ashamed. Downright ashamed of my lack of writing for the past few weeks...er... months? Goodness. It's an odd time for me to write, given it's a Sunday, but oh well. Perhaps I'm overly ambitious, but I'd like to visit the blog world more often. It's a beautiful Sunday, so why not start today? Sitting here, typing on my computer, I can hear the chimes singing outside. The wind is rushing through the vibrant branches outside my window, and making them dance with delight. Glorious weather, if you ask me...

Church was amazing today... as always. Pastor Jim finished Ephesians with a commission to put on our armor, faithfully finish the race that has been set before us, and to model our lives and hearts after the sinful, yet repentant David. It left me wondering what the cry of my heart really is, aside from lies and facades. I would love to say that my deepest thoughts and most heartfelt longings are centered around the gospel of Christ... but, that's simply not the case. The "affairs of everyday life" steal my attention, and leave me restless, and tired. What do I have left to give the Father when my time and energy is expended on things that are useless in light of the Kingdom? It's easy to write say all of this without changing a thing, but because of the grace of my Lord, I pray that He would not allow me to remain stagnant, but instead, will poke and prod me until I'm forced to change. Jesus, I want my heart to be connected with Yours. Rearrange my thoughts and desires...

Well, I have to get acclimated to writing more often on here... but for now, it's time for the Sunday nap.

Just a note before I leave... a class was canceled for fall quarter, and in turn, I will have to attend school another quarter beyond what was expected. I was pretty irritated, to say the least. Well, that was my only class on Friday, and it was scheduled in the morning. After it was canceled, I began to make plans to fill up all of the free Fridays that I'll have in the next few months, but just as I thought my plans were "set in stone", the Lord changed things up a bit. There was an announcement at church today about extra needed help out at the stables on Friday mornings. I guess the saying "If you want God to laugh, tell Him your plans" stands true...

Pretend Engagement

Darwin and Arlena didn't have pictures done after their engagment (a little over a year ago), so the three of us did a little photo shoot yesterday. :) One of the pictures is shown below, and more will come later. The rest of the pictures will be on www.lifeseasonsphoto.com once it's up and running.

I'm currently looking through engagement photography sites online, and I find myself stumped. I'd love to be able to take pictures with the foreground blurred, and also some shots with the foreground in focus. Well- I'm not really sure how to monitor that on my digital. Anyone have any photography knowledge that they'd like to share? :)

End of the Day

It seems I've just been running all day. Tomorrow through next Wednesday will be supremely busy- photo shoots, two quarters of school intersecting, church events, etc. I came home today for about 30 minutes, and then headed back out again. Tomorrow from the morning until 3pm is "free" with the exception of some hardcore laundry and dishes...

By the Lord's grace, I didn't get in a car accident today. I was tempted to honk at the lady though. After all, she was in front of me and couldn't have stopped any quicker at the yellow light. I guess it taught me a little bit about assured clear distance. I'm quite thankful that the Lord gave men the know-how to create breaks. :)

Well- goodnight all. Here's an awesome section from Daily in the Word today...

"Praise the Lord!
Sing to the Lord a new song,
and His praise in the congregation of the godly ones.
Let Israel be glad in his Maker;
Let the sons of Zion rejoice in their King.
Let them praise His name with dancing;
Let them sing praises to Him with timbrel and lyre.
For the Lord takes pleasure in His people;
He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation."
-Psalm 149: 1-4

Alright... I'm in the vacation mood. There's no way around it, and there's no calming down the urge to take a long walk on the sandy shores of the ocean. We haven't been on a true vacation since last summer... and that may not seem like a very long time to you, but to me... well... let's just say I'm getting antsy.

Chances are that we won't go to the ocean, but to a local lake instead. Let's do a visual comparison, shall we?

Here's Lake Cumberland...

Here's VA Beach...

Are you seeing my dilemma? I most certainly want to be thankful if our plans remain the same (lake vacation), but I sure wouldn't mind being one of those colorfully dressed individuals laying beneath an umbrella, and listening to the crashing of the waves.

Well... I'm off to refine my writing skills in English class...

Some architecture for ya...

Pic of the Day...

A Pic from the Archives

I thought I had my freedom
You didn't even ask
It hit me like a shotgun
Like a cannon blast

You are so elusive
Why you gotta be so detached?
But from the corner of my eye
I thought I saw you look my way
Did you see me looking back?

Oh, I just want to know...

Baby, do you see me
The way I see you?

And why do you give me
So little of you?
I'm out here on thin ice
Hoping I won't break through

You can say you are naive
But I think you know the truth
You've made a prisoner of me
But I'm holding onto the belief
That my time is almost through

Oh, yeah I just want to know...

Baby, do you see me
The way I see you?
-The Way I See You by Bethany Dillon

This picture is beautiful and it makes me want to travel for some reason. There are so many amazing places to visit in the world... I feel like I have yet to graze the surface. Is it normal to have this insurmountable desire to travel? Hmm... Perhaps I'll go backpacking or something. :)

Thursday Evening

*Alex and I after coffee shop-ping yesterday night*

Once again, distraction is needed.
*Sigh*
Nothing wrong... just want something in my brain other than what's there.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Phil. 4:8

It would appear that I don't get involved very much with photography from the lack of photos that I post up on this here site. Just for the information of those reading... I plan to change that. Little do y'all know... I take about 400 pictures a week. :D

Hmmm... I wonder how mentally taxing it will be to add another "to-do" to the list (i.e periodically updating this thing)... I guess it doesn't fall very high on the list of priorities, but nevertheless, what's the point in having a blog if it remains empty the majority of the time?

Well, with that being said, it's time for a post. I can't summarize in a few words what God has done in the past month. I'm sitting here in perfect peace, simply because of this abounding grace that somehow stretches out to me when I am the weakest, and most unlovable. Some incredible burdens have been lifted. Maybe someday I can explain. For now, my tired eyes are proving completely inadequate. I'll write at another time.

Love...

Wow... this guy has some serious issues...

When I'm searching for something to provide satisfaction...
something to fill the present void...
Jesus, lead me to Your heart.

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

Yeah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never wanna part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin' true
What am I to you

After the sermon last week, and Sunday school yesterday, it's as if my eyes have been opened to a world that I was once oblivious to. The Lord is allowing me to see all that grieves Him...

The flesh is truly nauseating when laid bare before the pure, perfect throne of God.

It's finally Spring break week. Sleeping in, doing some much needed Spring cleaning, writing some new songs, relaxing... ahh... such is bliss. For once, I'm looking forward to the next quarter in school. I'll be taking my first photography class (Intro to Black and White Photography), along with "Western Religions: Judaism, Islam, and Christianity", and Music Theory. Hopefully, I'll end Spring quarter with more clarity in my photography, a greater awareness of other religions, and possibly the ability to read notes. :) That would be ideal, at least.

As for an update on the not-so-pleasant predicament that I wrote about in my last blog... I'm still dealing. Thanks to the prayers and encouragement of some truly wonderful people, distraction has been abundant. Yet, every part of my being still aches when I am reminded of all that has transpired up to this point. My spirit is truly willing to move on, but all that is "natural" within me still desperately longs for something tangible... some way to understand why I've been denied that which I desire more than life itself.

I guess I'll end this post with a picture of the sunset yesterday. Yesterday evening, Rachel S. and I went to the park, ate Wendy's chili, watched the sun set, and then stopped by Boston Stoker for tea and cards. It's been awhile since her and I have been able to hang out, so it was great to catch up. :) (I'll post more pictures up next week sometime.)

Wow. I feel somewhat out of touch from the social world. This last week has been slightly insane. It was finals week, and I had a presentation to give along with a test yesterday. Thankfully, the test wasn't cumulative, so I could relax a little.

To add to that, I've been praying about something for what seems like forever now, and this past Wednesday, I finally got my answer. Needless to say, it was a very clear "No.". Talk about unexpected. I don't think it's had time to fully sink in yet, but every time I remind myself of my Lord's answer, it feels like someone is pulling my stomach out through my mouth. Yes... it's painful. To say that I'm over it, and that everything is okay would be a lie... but the Lord will bring me through this in His timing. With all that being said, even though He said "no", I'm still thankful for an answer. In His faithfulness, He heard me- and I love Him for that. My Father is truly amazing.

With that answer, there is pain, but there is also some excitement at the same time. To quote the proverbial nonsense "When God closes a door, He opens a window" would be ridiculous. Yet, I know that my heart was weighed down with anxiety, and now that His "no" has freed up any space consumed with questions, He will inhabit that space with something that I know will be useful. I'm anticipating growth... and when it comes down to it, that's all I want- to be closer to my Jesus and to be able to fully walk in stride with His word and His ways.

Pictures

Well- currently, I'm at a coffee shop trying to upload some random pictures on my Facebook, and the upload form won't work. SO- I'm going to put some of them on here.

Some of the crew hanging out at the Yuppa house last month...

Katie relaxing...

There was a very heavy fog out a few weeks ago, so I stopped by a cemetery and took some pictures...

Adelee, me, and Emily at a Youth night a couple of weeks ago....

Locked in a Shell

It seems that I'm scared to let go, and truly be myself. I hate that most of my conversations are about the weather, or general topics... but its as if I can't move past that.

I desire to know and be known, but relationships will never develop if I'm not willing to put forth the effort.

It's been a rough morning...

Song of my Life

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
and then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
and You’re still gonna hold me
and that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy

-Clumsy by Chris Rice

Laid Bare

I think that you only know me on a superficial level. You present me with quite a paradox… I trust you so much but yet I’m afraid to show you that I have substance beyond “elevator conversation” and teenager-like ambitions. I’m afraid that if you get to know me for who I really am, that you’ll run. That’s the last thing I want.

Because of my improper attachment to you, I’ve had to break away from almost all conversation… but you have no idea just how much I miss you.

You speak confidence, but your character shouts evidence of insecurity and flaws. I feel pity for you, to be honest, because I can see that you’re not truly living.

I listen to what you say and how you act, and it hurts me. I want so badly for you to grow up, but you seem to stay at the same level of immaturity. You project your feelings of inadequacy on me, and you try to bring me down to your level. It’s sad, really. You don’t understand what it means to love, and you can’t seem to find your way to adulthood.

You have had such a huge impact on my life. I will never forget the day that you put all else aside and just prayed with me for an hour because you knew that it’s what I needed. You genuinely care, and you’re incredibly loyal… and I love that about you.

These are five different people ... all of which have had a greater impact than "common folk" on my life and who I am. It's interesting how honest I can be when I'm not naming those that I'm speaking of.

On a different note... Here's my picture of the day. I think that people who take pictures of themselves are weirdos... but I did it anyway. Oh well.

Evan Wickham

I was looking at Monk and Neagle's profile, and I found out that this guy actually wrote Hallelujah Jesus... pretty cool. Evan is a great musician from what I've heard in the past 15 minutes. You (yes you!) should definitely go to his Myspace and check out his music. :)

Post- Valentines Day

Yesterday, by far was the best Valentine's Day I've had in 21 years. At 7p, I went to a local coffee shop to see Chod and Adelee play, and hang out with some close friends. I was able to "shoot the breeze" with Scott, Christin, Beth, and Matt, and chill while listening to some great music. I have to say... coffee shop outings are my favorite pastime... :)

Anyway, afterwards at 10, Weston, Cassandra, Becca and I went to Steak and Shake to get some late night grub... and ended up staying there past midnight. My eyes were shutting while we were sitting there eating and talking... but it was an amazing 2 hours. Forget 2 hours... it was an amazing night.

So, here's one of the many pics I was able to take last night... Hope you enjoy.

"We love, because He first loved us."
-1 John 4:19

Happy Valentine's Day...

You don't know it nor will you ever, but... every moment with you is
extraordinary.

This is pretty much the coolest house EVER...

"Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones, and give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning."
-Psalm 30:4-5

So, church was great today. It's my absolute favorite place to be... and I think, if given the opportunity I would spend every ounce of time there. The Lord has given me a genuine passion for His house, and His people.

I must say though, that the drive home was interesting. It was a rainy drive, accompanied by a Matt Kearney cd. But... the pleasant sound of rain lightly falling on my car window and some good tunes did not drown out my overwhelming, and slightly burdensome thoughts. There's been something on my mind and heart now for almost a year. The Lord knows my deepest groanings, but at times, I wish I could tell those closest to me in hopes to find some understanding, or comfort, or... something. Yet, my deepest fear is that the only words of comfort will be words that I can't bear to hear.

For now, this heavy heart will have to stay hidden from many, and laid bare to just One...

Goodnight all.

"Hear my cry, O God;
Give heed to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.
Let me dwell in Your tent forever;
Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah."

-Psalm 61: 1-4

Monk and Neagle (These guys are pretty cool...)

"Have I told you lately
How much you mean to me
Every word from your mouth
Is like a drop of honey
The stars would fall for you
And I would die for you..."

So, I was driving home from spending time with 5 of my favorite people in the world... and I had this song in my head. I stepped out of the car and began a tired walk to my back door, when I just happened to glance up... The sky looked extraordinary. The stars were as vivid as if I were standing beneath a Tennessee sky. I wonder how many people looked up at those same stars tonight and marveled at the amazing artistry with which they were designed.

Well... the tune of Stars Would Fall is still ringing in my head, as it has for the past week... and I'm ready for bed.

Goodnight to you, and goodnight to the one for whom the stars would fall.

This is the result that a Facebook personality test gave me. Actually, it's strangely accurate. For those of you who are JWFers reading this, we would classify this description
as "Beaver-ish"... :)

You think you have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. Everything must be ordered and controlled, even if it takes a lot of time and effort. You spend so long taking care of the schedule and making sure that the rules are upheld, that the point of any activity is lost. You won`t complete a project until it is exactly perfect, and you prefer not to work with others because they just don`t do things in the right way.

My Lord, the God of Jacob

"'Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.' The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah." Psalm 46:10-11

The name "God of Jacob" means something entirely new after yesterday's Sunday school. I don't even look at the above two verses the same...

The Lord is a God that allows us to come to Him on a relational level. Jacob was a deceiver, one who was willing to wrestle with the Lord, but most importantly... he was human. Just like me. In all my humanness, the Lord allows me to come before His throne of grace and mercy and dwell with Him. Thanks be to the Lord for His love!

Just Too Much

For those looking to see a picture up for today, I've decided not to post a picture everyday. Number one, because I'd rather not, and... well... there's not really a number two. I'd just rather not. It's too cumbersome a task to post something every day, believe it or not. So, anyway... I hope I didn't disappoint anyone too much. :)

When we long for a life with no difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds, and diamonds are made under pressure.
-Peter Marshall

Stinker...

How much cuter could he possibly get? This is a picture of Jaren that I took tonight at Scott and Christin's. This little goofball made silly faces at me every time I would hold the camera up to take a picture of him...hehe...

Dessert Bound

This is Becca yesterday. :) She was bound and determined to have some dessert. Finally, she ate her sloppy joe, and french fries... and along came the much anticipated dirt pudding.

Photography Outing

The Dayton Art Institute is hosting this exhibit:

It's a photography display that's been going on from December 15th and will continue until April 20th. Anyone interested in an outing sometime between now and April? :)

Second Time Around...

Yes, if you must know... I've already posted this picture. Oh well... I used different effects on it this time, so there! Anyway- I hope y'all like it. :) Goodnight, all.

Here it Is, Folks...

Fill and soft lighting effects were used on this photo. This was taken on the same day that the picture posted on November 19th was (Both at Hilltop).
I'm definitely looking forward to this upcoming summer. Hilltop is developing and changing, and it's so incredibly exciting! Anyone up for creek stomping as soon as it gets warm outside? :)

Oops...

I missed a day in blogging a pic. Sorry folks...

Anyway, here's the one for today:

(The "duo tone" effect was used here, along with a spot filter.)

This is to no one in particular, due to the fact that it seems not many read this blog... but, an honest desire I've had lately is to travel. Great photography-worthy scenes come along quite frequently here in the great state of Ohio, but I'm sure that the exotic places of the world hold much more. Hmmm... Barbados sounds lovely, or perhaps... Hawaii or something. Honestly though, how often do opportunities like that really come along? Close to never. Oh well. I'll make the best of striking sunsets, and busy people.

On a different note, I gave reference to a man's blog by the name of "OnePicADay" a couple of weeks ago. I don't think it would be a bad idea for me to post one picture a day. In light of this favorite hobby, and what I hope will one day be a career... posting a picture a day does not seem too daunting a task. So, to whom it may concern... here's today's picture:

This photograph was taken two summers ago. To me, this picture represents a moment of serenity...

Lovely

Just a note... today was a wonderful day. :)

Afraid to Live

There's a few moments I'll never forget within the past 21 years. They're the few moments where I truly lived... and experienced things that were amazing.

...a 2 hour walk, and great conversation at Taylor University when I was 17...
...singing with a congregation of about 2000 at New Phile...
...boating at Lake St. Mary's with my mom...
...a genuine talk at Taffy's...
...laughing for almost 4 hours straight, while catching up with a friend recently...
...four wheeling side by side to 6 deer in the field...
...white water rafting in the pouring rain...
...standing beneath the clearest field of stars that I've ever seen my senior year in Tennessee...
...creek stomping two summers ago...
...every Friday night get together with the "crew"...
...a long, solitary walk along the beach at 1:30am...

All in all, these moments have been so special, but infrequent. The truth is that I really do want to live. This is an unexplainable process of thoughts, but these thoughts have been clouding my brain for the last... well... year. The experiences I've had thus far have given me a taste of something wonderful that I just can not seem to grasp. How I long to jump outside of the ordinary... but something is holding me back, and that something has the tendency at times to break my spirit. I'm not too young to live, but I feel as though I've spent so many years just waiting around for the extraordinary to come along. Were these years wasted? No, but perhaps they could have been better spent.

At times, I wish someone without inhibitions would come, take my hand and lead me to a place of freedom. I don't fear tomorrow because of what may happen... I fear tomorrow because of what I might miss.

I desperately want to break away from the mundane, but have not been able to do so. Quite possibly, I'm afraid to live. There's uncertainty in that... in leaving the comfortable parameters that I've set for myself. Yet... somehow, I'm sure that once I step outside of these boundaries, it will be more rewarding than I could have ever dreamed.

With all these emerging thoughts, I don't know how to act... I don't know what to pray for... and I'm not sure what to do. I need help, but as I said earlier, there are no words to describe that which I am so immensely longing for.

His Artistry, My Delight

This was the sunrise a few days ago. This is the amazing thing... these colors are true. I didn't edit or "doctor" it up. Wow... what a picture to wake up to!!!!

Emily Bear

Check this little girl out. She's 6 years old, and began playing piano at 5.

Oh Baby!

Baby Joshua, you are not even a day old but we already love you so much, and we're all praying for you.

"In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider-- God has made the one as well as the other..." -Ecclesiastes 7:14a

Keep in Prayer...

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth, Who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens!" Psalm 8:1

JWFers... Amy D. is in the hospital while I'm writing this. Her water broke this morning... please, please keep her in prayer. She still has about 2 and a half months to go in her pregnancy.

Father... keep this baby's life in Your hands. You are sovereign... You are majestic and just... but You are also merciful. Please have mercy on Amy and Scott.