It's been a rough morning...

Song of my Life

I get so clumsy
I get so foolish
I get so stupid
and then I feel so useless
But You’re sayin’ You love me
and You’re still gonna hold me
and that You wanna be near me
‘Cause You’re makin’ me holy
You’re still makin’ me holy

-Clumsy by Chris Rice

Laid Bare

I think that you only know me on a superficial level. You present me with quite a paradox… I trust you so much but yet I’m afraid to show you that I have substance beyond “elevator conversation” and teenager-like ambitions. I’m afraid that if you get to know me for who I really am, that you’ll run. That’s the last thing I want.

Because of my improper attachment to you, I’ve had to break away from almost all conversation… but you have no idea just how much I miss you.

You speak confidence, but your character shouts evidence of insecurity and flaws. I feel pity for you, to be honest, because I can see that you’re not truly living.

I listen to what you say and how you act, and it hurts me. I want so badly for you to grow up, but you seem to stay at the same level of immaturity. You project your feelings of inadequacy on me, and you try to bring me down to your level. It’s sad, really. You don’t understand what it means to love, and you can’t seem to find your way to adulthood.

You have had such a huge impact on my life. I will never forget the day that you put all else aside and just prayed with me for an hour because you knew that it’s what I needed. You genuinely care, and you’re incredibly loyal… and I love that about you.

These are five different people ... all of which have had a greater impact than "common folk" on my life and who I am. It's interesting how honest I can be when I'm not naming those that I'm speaking of.

On a different note... Here's my picture of the day. I think that people who take pictures of themselves are weirdos... but I did it anyway. Oh well.

Evan Wickham

I was looking at Monk and Neagle's profile, and I found out that this guy actually wrote Hallelujah Jesus... pretty cool. Evan is a great musician from what I've heard in the past 15 minutes. You (yes you!) should definitely go to his Myspace and check out his music. :)

Post- Valentines Day

Yesterday, by far was the best Valentine's Day I've had in 21 years. At 7p, I went to a local coffee shop to see Chod and Adelee play, and hang out with some close friends. I was able to "shoot the breeze" with Scott, Christin, Beth, and Matt, and chill while listening to some great music. I have to say... coffee shop outings are my favorite pastime... :)

Anyway, afterwards at 10, Weston, Cassandra, Becca and I went to Steak and Shake to get some late night grub... and ended up staying there past midnight. My eyes were shutting while we were sitting there eating and talking... but it was an amazing 2 hours. Forget 2 hours... it was an amazing night.

So, here's one of the many pics I was able to take last night... Hope you enjoy.

"We love, because He first loved us."
-1 John 4:19

Happy Valentine's Day...

You don't know it nor will you ever, but... every moment with you is
extraordinary.

This is pretty much the coolest house EVER...

"Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones, and give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning."
-Psalm 30:4-5

So, church was great today. It's my absolute favorite place to be... and I think, if given the opportunity I would spend every ounce of time there. The Lord has given me a genuine passion for His house, and His people.

I must say though, that the drive home was interesting. It was a rainy drive, accompanied by a Matt Kearney cd. But... the pleasant sound of rain lightly falling on my car window and some good tunes did not drown out my overwhelming, and slightly burdensome thoughts. There's been something on my mind and heart now for almost a year. The Lord knows my deepest groanings, but at times, I wish I could tell those closest to me in hopes to find some understanding, or comfort, or... something. Yet, my deepest fear is that the only words of comfort will be words that I can't bear to hear.

For now, this heavy heart will have to stay hidden from many, and laid bare to just One...

Goodnight all.

"Hear my cry, O God;
Give heed to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.
Let me dwell in Your tent forever;
Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah."

-Psalm 61: 1-4

Monk and Neagle (These guys are pretty cool...)

"Have I told you lately
How much you mean to me
Every word from your mouth
Is like a drop of honey
The stars would fall for you
And I would die for you..."

So, I was driving home from spending time with 5 of my favorite people in the world... and I had this song in my head. I stepped out of the car and began a tired walk to my back door, when I just happened to glance up... The sky looked extraordinary. The stars were as vivid as if I were standing beneath a Tennessee sky. I wonder how many people looked up at those same stars tonight and marveled at the amazing artistry with which they were designed.

Well... the tune of Stars Would Fall is still ringing in my head, as it has for the past week... and I'm ready for bed.

Goodnight to you, and goodnight to the one for whom the stars would fall.